Humor

03/04/2014



Na die diens een Sondag vra die middeljarige Sannie haar man: "Lyk dit nie vir jou ook of daai Smit-meisie haar hare kleur nie?" " Ek het haar nie eers raakgesien nie," antwoord haar man.  "En daai rok wat Lettie Steyn aangehad het," gaan Sannie voort. "Moenie se jy het gedink dis geskikte drag vir `n 40 jarige ma van ses nie?"  "Ek is bevrees, ek het dit ook nie opgemerk nie," antwoord haar man weer.  "Hmf! snork Sannie verontwaardig.  "Dit help ook veel jy gaan kerk toe!"



02/11/2012  Geniet die naweek!





28/09/2012   KERK BLAPSIES

  • Dames, moenie die krap-en-koop aand vergeet nie.
    Dis ook jou kans om van al die onnodige goed in jou huis ontslae te raak. Onthou om jou man saam te bring.
  • Die interkerklike vredesberaad is gekanselleer weens sinodale konflik.
  • Moenie dat bekommernis jou doodmaak nie. Laat die kerk help.
  • Die koste vir bywoning van die gebed- en vas-konferensie sluit die koste van die etes in.
  • Vanoggend se erediens handel oor "Ons Redder loop op die Water". Vanaand se preek: "Waar is ons Redder?"
  • Me Charlene Mason van die Metodiste gemeente het vir ons "I will not pass this way again" gesing, wat ons almal groot vreugde verskaf het.
  • Volgende Donderdag is daar oudisies vir die kerkkoor. Kom gerus as jy niks aan het nie.
  • Barbara is nog in die hospitaal vir bloedoortappings. Sy sukkel om te slaap, en het kassette van Ds. Giel se preke gevra.
  • Die dominee gaan sy afskeidspreek lewer, waarna die koor gaan sing "O blye dag".
  • Klaas Buitendag en Debbie Prinsloo is op 3 Oktober getroud. En so eindig 'n mooi vriendskap wat in hul skooljare begin het.
  • 'n Boontjiesop-aand gaan in die kerk se lapa gehou word. Bring 'n baadjie saam ingeval dit winderig en onplesierig raak.
  • Die onderwerp van Maandagaand se gemeentebiduur is:
    "Die hemel, hoe kan jy daar kom?" Vervoer vertrek om 19:00 van die bushalte oorkant die ouetehuis.
  • Die lae selfbeeld-ondersteuningsgroep vergader Donderdagmiddag om 15:00 in die sysaal. Gebruik asseblief die agterdeur.
  • Die Weight Watchers-groep vergader Donderdag om 14:00 in die saal. Gebruik asb die dubbeldeure by die sy-ingang.




06/08/2012




21/07/2012   Relax it's weekend!!!





13/07/2012   Enjoy your weekend!!




02/07/2012   Funnies!!!!




20/06/2012   How strong is your faith???




08/06/2012   Enjoy your weekend!!!!



04/06/2012   Hoop julle het `n lekker dag gehad!





31/05/2012   Geniet `n koppie boeretroos met `n lekker grappie!!




12/05/2012   Gelukkige Moedersdag!


07/05/2012   Mothers Day Jokes!



Mother, talking to old college friend:  "Remember, before I was married I had three theories about raising children?  Well, now I have three children and no theories!"

                                                                         *********

THE BEST WAY TO KEEP CHILDREN AT HOME
IS TO CREATE A PLEASANT ATMOSPHERE -
AND TO LET THE AIR OUT OF THEIR TIRES.

                                                                           ********



07/05/2012   Enjoy your week friends!!!



25/04/2012   The Ten Commandments


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked,"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."



18/04/2012   TEKENS VAN OUD WORD!


Alles pyn,  wat nie pyn nie, werk nie.
Die glinster in jou oog, is die sonlig op jou dubbellens bril.
Jy voel soos die oggend daarna, behalwe jy was nerens heen nie.
In jou afspraakboek begin al die name met Dr ........
Jy raak uitasem van kaartspeel.
Jou kinders begin vir jou middeljarig lyk.
Jy ken al die antwoorde, maar niemand vra jou nie.
Jy sien uit na `n vervelige aand tuis.
Jy het `n bril nodig, om joune te soek.
Jy skakel die lig af om te bespaar, nie omdat jy romanties raak nie.
Jou neus loop, maar jou bene wil nie.
Jou huis raak te groot en jou medisynekas te klein.
Jy vat `n lekker hap aan `n biefstuk, en jou tande bly agter.
Jou verjaarsdagkoek sak inmekaar onder die gewig van al die kersies.



17/04/2012   Enjoy your day!




04/04/2012   Jerigo se muur!

Die inspekteur kom by die skool en vra vir die juffrou of hy vir die klas vrae kan vra om hul godsdienskennis te toets. 

Inspekteur:  "Wie het die muur van Jerigo laat breek?"

Jannie:  "Dit was nie ek nie Meneer."

Toe roep die inspekteur die juffrou eenkant toe en vra haar oor Jannie se antwoord.

Juffrou:  "Jannie is baie eerlik.  As hy se dit was nie hy nie, dan glo ek hom."

Die inspekteur gaan toe onthuts na die die hoof toe.

Hoof:  "Dis `n eerlike juffrou.  As sy Jannie glo, dan is dit so."

Uit radeloosheid skryf die inspekteur toe vir die minister van onderwys oor die situasie.

Die minister antwoord:

"Kry drie kwotasies, dan kry ons `n kontrakteur om die muur weer op te bou."



03/04/2012   Wyse Woorde!

In hierdie lewe is `n sin vir humor onontbeerlik:  Dit help ons om die snaakse in die lelike raak te sien; die onkonvensionele te verstaan; die onaangename te verdra; die onverwagte dinge te hanteer en die ondraaglikes tong-in-die-kies te oorleef.   - William A Ward -


02/04/2012  Funny Church Signs



30/03/2012   Wens julle `n wonderlike naweek toe!!!!





20/03/2012   JOKE!

Every Friday evening after work, Gamat would braai a big, fat juicy steak.  But his neighbours, being Catholic and therefore not allowed to eat meat on a Friday, suffered agonies of temptation as the delicious aroma carried on the evening breeze.  They persuaded the priest to try and convert Gamat ... and the priest was successful in doing so.  When Gamat attended mass, the priest sprinkled the holy water over him and said:  "You were born a Protestant, raised a Protestant, but now you are a Catholic.  Everybody was delighted , but when Friday night came, the wonderful aroma of grilled steak again wafted over the neighbourhood.  The priest rushed into Gamat's garden just in time to see him clutch a small bottle of holy water, sprinkling it over the grilling meat and chanting: " Djy was gebore n bees, djy was raised a bees, maar nou is djy snoek!!!!"


20/03/2012   FUNNIES!


Instruction About Church
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."


16/03/2012   CARTOONS




15/03/2012   CARTOONS




15/03/2012   Just thinking .....

It is remarkable how the apostle Paul covered so much territory and accomplished
so much without even a car.


You may not know all the answers, but you probably won't be asked all the questions, either.


You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance.


4/03/2012   FUNNIES!!!

The Creation of Wives
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."



14/03/2012   DON'T WORRY!!!!



13/03/2012   Funnies!

If Noah had been truly wise,
he would have swatted those two flies.


12/03/2012   HUG COUPON





12/03/2012   SMILE!

Some people are too tired to give you a smile.  
Give them one of yours,
as no one needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give


09/03/2012    Manne geniet die kamp .... hier is `n moontlike besprekingspunt!



08/03/2012  Funnies!!!!

The Sermon Preparation
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"



06/03/2012   Vir al die Onderwysers ....



05/03/2012   Lag `n bietjie .....

THE RAIN FALLS ON THE JUST AND ALSO ON THE UNJUST,
BUT CHIEFLY ON THE JUST,
BECAUSE THE UNJUST STEALS THE JUST'S UMBRELLA.


01/03/2012  LAUGHTER IS ......


LAUGHTER IS LIKE PREMIUM GASOLINE:  IT HELPS TAKE THE KNOCK OUT OF LIVING!



29/02/2012   Happy Leap Day!





28/02/2012   Vir die MANNE ....




27/02/2012  Grappie!

Blond het nooit kerk toe gegaan nie.  Op `n dag sien die pastoor sy woon die oggend diens by.  Daarna is sy soggens en saans, met bidure en bybelstudie in die kerk.  Na drie maande vra die pastoor eindelik vir haar: "Na al die jare wat jy nooit kerk toe gegaan het nie, kan jy nou nie genoeg kry nie?"  Sy antwoord:  "Dis die nuwe motor van my pastoor .  Die verkoopsman het gese as ek een diens mis, verval my waarborg."



24/02/2012   Dames geniet die kamp, hier is `n moontlike besprekingspunt ..........




23/02/2012   Vir almal wat vandag nie gesond voel nie!



21/02/2012   FUNNIES!

The Sermon
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"



16/02/2012   IS JY LUS VIR KOOK VANAAND? HIER IS `N WENK!




15/02/2012   Grappie vir die dag!

Oom gaan dokter toe met `n maag probleem.  Die dokter se: "jy sal `n scope moet sluk oom."  Die oom bly so `n rukkie stil ...... "Boet ek is `n kerkmens, kan ek nie maar eerder `n Landbouweekblad sluk nie?"



14/02/2012   Is dit sover vir jou n lekker dag gewees?




14/02/2012   Happy Valentines day to one and all






13/02/2012   Dis Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaandag!!!! Geniet julle week!






10/02/2012   FUNNIES!


After the Preaching on the Devil
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."




09/02/2012   FUNNIES!



New in Church
After the service a young couple talked to a church member about joining the church. He hadn't met the husband before, and he asked what church he was transferring from.
After a short hesitation, he replied,"I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course."





08/02/2012   Technology!!!







07/02/2012  Good morning, wishing you a lovely day!







06/02/2012  Wonderlike dag aan julle almal!


06/02/2012  Is vandag n blou Maandag? Daar is lig in die tonnel.....

1 comment:

  1. The Sin of Lying
    A Minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

    The following Sunday, as he prepared

    ReplyDelete